Tu and Vous | Little French Subject Pronouns That Pack a Big Punch

Tu or vous? That is the question. Even after 3 years of living in France, AND after having studied French in school, I still don’t completely understand which one to use sometimes. I sigh and think about how much easier it is to teach ‘you’ in English. My students here always look amazed. That’s it? they say. Just one ‘you’? Yes, c’est tout. You for singular, you for plural, for informal, formal, n’importe quoi! - whatever!

Ah, but the French language is très sophistiquée. Add to that, the French have a tendency to complicate the simplest of things. Alors, let me give you a glimpse into my world here in France; tell you about the uses of tu and vous, and how I’ve stumbled along the way.

Tu and Vous both mean “you.” That’s the easy part. They're just subject pronouns, so what’s the big deal? Ah, les règles - the rules.

Vous is used : to show someone respect, in a formal setting, when you’re speaking to more than one person, and when speaking with our elders.

Tu is used : informally, with friends, family (not always) and good acquaintances (not always), when you’re speaking with one person, and it can also be used as a way to disrespect someone.

I suppose that one easy way to go about all this is to be like my friend Brige, who simplifies things by using tu with everyone…and she doesn’t really give a hoot what you think about it!

Tu Offend : With tu, it’s easy to offend someone. One of our French teachers here, Cornelia, told our class an interesting story about this. She knew this girl who one day walked into a store in Cannes. The girl used tu with la vendeuse. La vendeuse-the saleswoman even corrected her, but the girl continued the innocent verbal assault. Quel horreur! The saleswoman demanded that the customer use vous. The girl either didn’t understand or chose to ignore the firm request. La vendeuse was so offended that she refused to assist the young customer, and if memory serves me right, I believe the girl was asked to leave the store. All because she used tu instead of vous! One part of me sides with the saleswoman but the other part of me says, Oh gimme a break, get off your high horse and help the girl.

Co-workers : My husband, Pascal, has a colleague who is older than him. They have worked together for some time now, meriting the use of tu between them. Even though she is Pascal’s elder, she’s also his co-worker, now a friend. So naturally, tu is used. But she’s funny, this French woman. She will only use vous when speaking with my husband. Why? Couldn’t tell ya. She is why there’s always an exception to the rule.

Friends : One day, Pascal had a friend over for coffee. When I met his friend, Ludovic, for the first time, I used vous with him. God it just sounds too formal! Ludovic gave me a warm smile and instantly corrected me. Tu, he said. Later, I asked Pascal about this. I said, So when I meet a friend of yours, like the day that I met Ludovic, was it wrong to use vous? No, he said. OK, I said…But if I’d just started in with tu, would that have been OK? Yes, he replied. It wouldn’t have been a little disrespectful? Well, he said, not really. So how do I know which to use?

For this question I got the classic French response which means either ‘I don’t know’ (like in this situation) or it means the more offensive ‘it’s not my concern, why should I care.’ How this is done is by simultaneously shrugging the shoulders, jutting out the lower lip and at the same time puffing out a tiny burst of air...which makes a teeny tiny popping sound. It’s undeniably French and always makes me chuckle a little!

Family : It took me a long time to ease into tu with my in-laws. They’re family and super sweet, but I felt I couldn’t just jump into tu with them. They deserved my respect. Eventually I chose moments to drop in tu here and there, and started changing the ‘Comment allez-vous?’-How are you (formal) to the much more informal way to say that: ‘Ca va?’

Acquaintances : Arlène is a very kind retiree who lives in my building. She spends four hours a day, every day, two hours in the morning and two in the evening, feeding a group of beautiful, homeless cats who live at our residence; she’s not the only one. There are in fact two or three other women who also perform this labor of love every day in other parts of our complex, which is enormous. They also ensure that the cats are spayed or neutered which is why we never see kittens. I see Arlène quite often, and I’ve even helped her out a few times, like when she was laid up with an injury. So, I’m comfortable around her.  
Warning: comfortable does not mean you can feel free to use tu instead of vous. She is an elder and unless she tells me to use tu, I have to continue to use vous with her, even if I’ve spoken to her 100 times. But hey, I’m human – and what do we humans do? Make mistakes. Just the other day, right in the middle of the conversation I let a tu slip right out of my mouth. I couldn’t be sure, but I thought I saw a quick, sharp look from her. Oopsie.

Americans in general, we’re a pretty relaxed, laid back, easy-going and friendly bunch. All this tu and vous business is tiring and we already work 40+ hours a week! But I think the French never tire. (Could have something to do with 35 hour work weeks and 5 weeks paid vacation each year!) And the French, they can really live it up. They out-last me at every party. At 1:00am I’m like - stick a fork in me, I am DONE! But the French, they’ll dance and dazzle till 3 or 4 o’clock in the morning. And I’m talking parents and grandparents! Joie de vivre...

Though engaged in a lively (if it sounds like a debate, that’s OK, c’est normal!), friendly conversation involving elaborate bodily gestures, and a multitude of facial expressions, the French will often maintain that je ne sais quoi, that composure and air of elegance…that I just don’t possess. They’re so dignified. Even two older ladies, who have been neighbors for years and have spoken a thousand times, will still use vous with each other. I sense an air of elegance as I pass them by…

Like with learning the ins and outs of anything, especially a language, experience is key! The road to perfection is paved with bumps and holes, as well as the occasional patch of black ice, leaving you to sometimes skid out of control. Accidents will happen. But most French people will be resilient to your grammatical mistakes and social faux pas. I mean, hey, we at least get points for trying, right?